Do you know why you're poor? Do you know why no one at work takes you seriously? It's because you're too fucking quiet, you pussy. If you want money and respect, you need to be loud. Not just regular loud, but you need to drown out everyone within a half-mile radius, effectively brainwashing them into submission. Basically, your prowess should infiltrate all living beings present (feel free to bitch out a couch; it won't do much, but it's good practice) by bludgeoning their ears with such aural force that their egos will be crushed and replaced with yours, or intense loathing of yours.
Try this at home: go up to a mirror. Now show your teeth and initiate a low snarling noise. Gurgling is good, foaming is better. Now yell at the mirror about how awesome you are and how you're always right. You're halfway there! Replace the mirror with coworkers and BOOM! promotion.
For more information, check out my books:
Be Loud: The Road to Success
Be American, Be Loud, Get Money
Loud Dad, Quiet Dad
Loudonomics
P.O. Joker's Loud Money
Think and Be Loud
and look for my upcoming release and book tour for "Bark! Lessons from a Loud Asshole"
Now shut the fuck up and get out of my office.
